old joke association

[gib]

speak for yourself paleface

[MSG]

almost

[gib]

we? what do you mean we?

[borealis]

'We', white man?

[MSG]

yeah, pretty much.

waddaya mean "we", paleface?

[borealis]

Why is a thief called a jailbird?

[gib]

clue please

[borealis]

omg 'bird' 'stealing'

it's so dumb.

[gib]

[Rhys]

...because they go around starling things? Or something else to do with starlings?

[borealis]

'Cause he's been a-robbin'

[gib]

lol, terrible

[borealis]

I don't care.

[Adenosine]

No he's right. It was pretty terrible. And so very British.

[Requiem]

Brilliant!

[gib]

little old lady acquires a pair of parrots somehow and for reasons integral to the fabric of the joke needs to know how to sex them. she's told they do it early in the morning, and advised to get up early and check the situation

so the next morning she whips back the cover and sure enough there's hot parrot on parrot action. she grabs the male and makes him a neck ring from her writing paper to help her remember who's who

soon, the fairly predictable vicar that often shows up in parrot jokes comes round for afternoon tea and the parrot looked at him and said

[Adenosine]

"You gay too?"

[Magicziggy]

Lol

I don't think I've written lol more than a handful of times, so rest assured i reserve it for when I actually laugh out loud and want to succinctly get across that reaction.

(The funniest bits are the internal commentary about joke mechanics)

[charlou]

fucking laugh out loud gib

[gib]

and the parrot said 'i see you were caught at it too'

[charlou]

haha

[MSG]

Nm i'll do it later on the laptop

[gib]

well i hope you follow the rules set out in the OP

[gib]

three couples want to join a church, there's an old couple, a middle aged couple and a pair of newlyweds. the vicar says if you want to join this church then the test is you have to not have sex for a month because something something

so after a month they all conveniently meet up with the vicar and the vicar asks the first couple, which if you've been paying attention is the old couple, how it went. actually he asked the man how it went, and the old man replied, quite predictably seeing as the sharper ones among you will already be familiar with the rule of 3 and how the first 2 are just to lull you into a false sense of security, that it was easy. well done you are welcome in my church, both you and your wife

by now it's clear that there's a somewhat similar scenario with the middle aged couple, for the sake of the people who are bothering with this paragraph we'll imagine that the second man had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights or something like that. well done welcome to our church

then the newlyweds get their turn so hold onto your sides. vicar says well? and the man is like sorry to say but we failed, oh what happened says the vicar and the man, and remember this is the young man so keep that in mind, he says well the first night was no problem neither was the second day but on the third day my wife was bending over to take some peas out of the freezer and i couldn't help myself.

the vicar says well then you're certainly not welcome in our church then and the man replies

[Adenosine]

"We're not welcome at Tesco either!"