The Bible - Page 3

spruce · 18th July 2015, 03:51 AM

Does this mean I don't get to baptise Gonzo?

borealis · 18th July 2015, 03:54 AM

I am fairly certain the original Baptiser was not a direwolf though he did wear a hairy coat.

Timewave · 18th July 2015, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce

Does this mean I don't get to baptise Gonzo?

Hey! Why not? you're allowed to pee on him anytime you like as far as I am concerned!

Gonzo · 18th July 2015, 04:03 AM

Funny spruce. The Catholic church my parents belonged to when I was born refused to baptise me because they didn't attend frequently enough. Needless to say they gave up being Catholic (and subsequently spanking their children). To this day I remain unbaptised and unspanked.

Brother Daniel · 18th July 2015, 04:08 AM

I threw myself in the river
To try to put myself away
A man jumped in and saved me
And spoiled a perfect day

He said God would forgive me
If I repented of my sin
Then he said I must be baptised
And he threw me in again

Oh, I was born to be unlucky
From my shoulders to my shoes
I guess I must be stuck with my
Unlucky blues....

- - -
(This is from memory. Early '80s. I've probably messed up the words a bit. But I'd bet $ that spruce is familiar with the song.)

MSG · 18th July 2015, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce

Does this mean I don't get to baptise Gonzo?

gonna keep watching this until baptising guy stops letting him up

borealis · 18th July 2015, 04:11 AM

I think spruce has one of those, iirc.

MSG · 18th July 2015, 04:13 AM

A vindictive God? Good, good... Continue the research.

spruce · 18th July 2015, 04:15 AM

We Presbys baptise infants, sort of like Catholics do. But my sister married a Baptist, who only believe in adult baptism. She has two boys, about 6 years apart. Well, when the first decided to get baptised, his younger brother wanted too as well, but my sister said, "no, it's his day" (the older brother). Now none of us can get the younger one baptised, even though he's a believer.

Timewave · 18th July 2015, 04:17 AM

borealis · 18th July 2015, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce

We Presbys baptise infants, sort of like Catholics do. But my sister married a Baptist, who only believe in adult baptism. She has two boys, about 6 years apart. Well, when the first decided to get baptised, his younger brother wanted too as well, but my sister said, "no, it's his day" (the older brother). Now none of us can get the younger one baptised, even though he's a believer.

Your sister was right, though.

Source: oldest sibling

charlou · 18th July 2015, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicziggy

My favourite.

http://lolcatbible.com

Quote:

Genesis

Ceiling Cat creats teh universes and stuffs

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1*Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2*Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3*At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4*An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5*An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6*An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7*An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8*An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

...just a taste

moar

charlou · 18th July 2015, 06:08 PM

If what humanity has can be called a soul, religion is anathema to that.

Requiem · 18th July 2015, 06:34 PM

Then whence cometh religion? If what humanity has can be called a soul, then surely all its works are the works of mankind, including religion?

Zeluvia · 18th July 2015, 06:50 PM

Facetious · 18th July 2015, 07:47 PM

True story, I was asked recently if I'd ever consider going for ordination.

spruce · 18th July 2015, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Facetious

True story, I was asked recently if I'd ever consider going for ordination.

It's the first step to extraordination, just like the X-folk. But everyone has to start somewhere.

What powers were you hoping for?

Facetious · 18th July 2015, 09:26 PM

The power to say ''I know you've been doing it this way for the past 50 years, but how about we try this way instead'' and for the PCC to be totally on board with that.

ETA - PCC = Parochial Church Council

Adenosine · 19th July 2015, 04:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce

That's not actually what Deuteronomy 22: 13-21 says, in any language.

5 people beat me to it.

Point stands, OT is horrible. NT isn't much better.

spruce · 19th July 2015, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adenosine

Quote:

Originally Posted by spruce

That's not actually what Deuteronomy 22: 13-21 says, in any language.

5 people beat me to it.

Point stands, OT is horrible. NT isn't much better.

Everywhars I go the bad peoples say the same thing about my flag.

Everything spruce believes is beautiful and true, even about body hair, but everyone wants to cut off every beautiful thing, like it was an idol or sumthin'. They saiz, you "horrible"!

Just look at the prejudices I is faced with, even on nolemon's site:

Teshi · 19th July 2015, 06:20 AM

I'm never sure whether to find it unnerving or reassuring that someone with such horrifying religious and political beliefs can be such a nice person

MSG · 19th July 2015, 06:23 AM

reassuring (imo)

spruce · 19th July 2015, 06:32 AM

Iz what Li'l Cal saiz.

Li'l Cal 4:27-32

Timewave · 19th July 2015, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Requiem

Then whence cometh religion? If what humanity has can be called a soul, then surely all its works are the works of mankind, including religion?

Religion is created by human imagination.
There is no soul, but there is an awareness of existence.
People mistake this self-awareness as a separate soul, rather than self-awareness. That is the existence of a self.

Self-awareness is the becoming aware that, the being can remember things from a past and can project assumptions on the future.
The statistical probability that the sun, moon, planets and even stars will do the same things at the same time in a fairly set pattern was the start of humanity.

Astrology and elementals, earth powers, air spirits, small whirlwinds. All this natural phenomena that were given supernatural interpretations where there before larger gods and religions were created from them.

Then people intellectualise the little gods and demons, heath spirits etc. and turned it into a political power for the priestly class and empires like Darius the first and many others saw the political power of state controlled religions and they took off.

Look at sacrifice, bribing the phenomena of nature not to flood the world or to flood the nile valley. Human sacrifice, the monoans did it, the hebrews did it, the celts did it. Here Nature, have my first baby, to stop this swarm of locusts. The mrs can always have more babies.

It's all so bazaar, but you can see where they were and the world of ingnorance they were trapped in.

Timewave · 19th July 2015, 07:28 AM

18th July 2015, 03:51 AM	#271135 / #51
spruce redolent needling balm Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Appalachia, CSA	Does this mean I don't get to baptise Gonzo? __________________ "She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside 'er." - MSG (of diva) *** ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *** I smell the STANK OF DEF!

18th July 2015, 03:54 AM	#271136 / #52
borealis poikilothermic Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Canada	I am fairly certain the original Baptiser was not a direwolf though he did wear a hairy coat. __________________

18th July 2015, 04:03 AM	#271138 / #54
Gonzo Some may never live, but the crazy never die. Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Savage American English	Funny spruce. The Catholic church my parents belonged to when I was born refused to baptise me because they didn't attend frequently enough. Needless to say they gave up being Catholic (and subsequently spanking their children). To this day I remain unbaptised and unspanked. __________________ Safety. Obscurity. Just another freak, in the freak kingdom... “The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.” textpress/CFb

18th July 2015, 04:08 AM	#271140 / #55
Brother Daniel bad case of gleeks Read my posts with the following stupid accent: a peninsula in the North Atlantic	I threw myself in the river To try to put myself away A man jumped in and saved me And spoiled a perfect day He said God would forgive me If I repented of my sin Then he said I must be baptised And he threw me in again Oh, I was born to be unlucky From my shoulders to my shoes I guess I must be stuck with my Unlucky blues.... - - - (This is from memory. Early '80s. I've probably messed up the words a bit. But I'd bet $ that spruce is familiar with the song.) __________________ Jiffy: Canadians are considered an invasive pest on New York roads and interstates borealis: They're pretty tasty stuffed and roasted. All dark meat though.

18th July 2015, 04:11 AM	#271142 / #57
borealis poikilothermic Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Canada	I think spruce has one of those, iirc. __________________

18th July 2015, 04:13 AM	#271145 / #58
MSG Ol' Zipperlaig Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Nøyfb	A vindictive God? Good, good... Continue the research. __________________ spruce: apart from the weird tuft of white hair she's still a beautiful person

18th July 2015, 04:15 AM	#271146 / #59
spruce redolent needling balm Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Appalachia, CSA	We Presbys baptise infants, sort of like Catholics do. But my sister married a Baptist, who only believe in adult baptism. She has two boys, about 6 years apart. Well, when the first decided to get baptised, his younger brother wanted too as well, but my sister said, "no, it's his day" (the older brother). Now none of us can get the younger one baptised, even though he's a believer. __________________ "She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside 'er." - MSG (of diva) *** ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *** I smell the STANK OF DEF!

18th July 2015, 04:17 AM	#271148 / #60
Timewave Senior Member Read my posts with the following stupid accent: IN MY HEAD (MOSTLY)	__________________ this ol' world keeps spinning round, it's a wonder tall trees ain't laying down, comes a time.

18th July 2015, 06:08 PM	#271415 / #63
charlou arseist	If what humanity has can be called a soul, religion is anathema to that. __________________ no fences

18th July 2015, 06:50 PM	#271429 / #65
Zeluvia Send Cash or Drugs Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Evil Duckess	__________________

18th July 2015, 07:47 PM	#271442 / #66
Facetious normal boring cunty type of woman Read my posts with the following stupid accent: it's grim up north	True story, I was asked recently if I'd ever consider going for ordination.

18th July 2015, 09:26 PM	#271475 / #68
Facetious normal boring cunty type of woman Read my posts with the following stupid accent: it's grim up north	The power to say ''I know you've been doing it this way for the past 50 years, but how about we try this way instead'' and for the PCC to be totally on board with that. ETA - PCC = Parochial Church Council

19th July 2015, 06:20 AM	#271606 / #71
Teshi Senior Member	I'm never sure whether to find it unnerving or reassuring that someone with such horrifying religious and political beliefs can be such a nice person

19th July 2015, 06:23 AM	#271607 / #72
MSG Ol' Zipperlaig Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Nøyfb	reassuring (imo) __________________ spruce: apart from the weird tuft of white hair she's still a beautiful person

19th July 2015, 06:32 AM	#271608 / #73
spruce redolent needling balm Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Appalachia, CSA	Iz what Li'l Cal saiz. Li'l Cal 4:27-32 __________________ "She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside 'er." - MSG (of diva) *** ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ * ^ *** I smell the STANK OF DEF!

19th July 2015, 07:28 AM	#271610 / #75
Timewave Senior Member Read my posts with the following stupid accent: IN MY HEAD (MOSTLY)	__________________ this ol' world keeps spinning round, it's a wonder tall trees ain't laying down, comes a time.

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