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Old 28th August 2014, 08:10 PM   #167752  /  #1
spruce
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Appalachia, CSA
Mafia Players in Cars Getting Coffee: Episode 11 (Season 2.2): praying

Mafia Players in Cars Getting Coffee: Episode 11 (Season 2.2): praying

This is a TREK 7.2 FX in Dark Metallic Blue, with Alpha Aluminum Frame, Bontrager H2 Hard-Case Lite Puncture-resistant tires, Shimano M131 crank, Shimano Altus/Alivio 24-speed drivetrain, Tektro alloy linear-pull brakes w/Shimano Altus levers. It has front, rear, and tire lights, and features a coffee bottle holder.



spruce: Howdy praying. Wanna catch some home grown coffee?
praying: Hold on a minute, grit.
STINKIN' GROUNDHOG!!!
OK, I'm back. Sure. Meet me in the park.

SWOOSH! (praying whizzes by going East)
spruce: (eecky, squeaky, wobble)
SWOOSH! (praying whizzes by going West)
praying: Do try to keep up, spruce.
spruce: (eecky, squeaky, going straight now)
SWOOSH! SWOOSH! SWOOSH!



This is a Smart Fortwo Electric Dive Coupé with a water-cooled permanent 3-phase AC motor, and dual bike rack. It has a panoramic roof with sun screen, projector beam halogen headlights, a smart radio with surround sound and satellite navigation computer, a free Forrest Gump soundtrack, panic button, is covered with air bags, has anti-lock braking system (abs) with electronic brake force distribution, a 12-volt socket with cover and 120v charging cable, power steering and windows, black leather heated seats, ambient interior lighting, and 2 coffee cup holders.


spruce: I'm tellin' you, I felt a drop of rain, and my bike was squeaky as it was. We can't all have super-duper Star Trek bikes with reverse engineered Vulcan technology, you know.
praying: Stop your whining, spruce, and I'll take you to Holstein's for ice cream.
spruce: Is that the place with all the cheese? I just love cheese.
praying: Wut?
spruce: Yeah, they'll put cheese on anything for you. Cheese is the fruit of New Jersey, from them Jersey cows. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. Dey's uh, cheese-kabobs, cheese creole, cheese gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple cheese, lemon cheese, coconut cheese, shredded cheese on ice cream, pepper cheese, cheese soup, cheese stew, cheese salad, cheese and potatoes, cheese burger, cheese sammich. That- that's about it.

spruce: Two coffees.
praying: And I'll have a BLT with melted Velveeta.
spruce: I'll have the Grilled Cheese with a turkey slice.
Hostess: What would you like for dessert today?
praying: I'll have the Fruit Salad Sundae.
spruce: And I'd like the Duster Sundae with coffee ice cream and Oreo sprinkles.
praying: I forbid you to have Cookie sprinkles, spruce.
spruce: But, but... I was gonna get it defurred first.
praying: No you're not. Don't even think about it.
spruce: Um... no sprinkled Oreo, Miss. Anything squirrel-flavoured?

praying: Dear Lord, for this thy gracious bounty, and time of fellowship with this lowly critter, we give Thee thanks. We ask that thy merciful goodness be bestowed uponst spruce or grit or whatever, that he mayest amend any evilness in his ways. Amen.
spruce: Amen.

spruce: So, praying, you have this reputation of being like the greatest Serial Killer in the history of mafia. Why is that? 'Cause I checked and you've been Town here in all your recent games.
praying: I don't know, I don't remember any of the games I play. There was this one game... at TR, where I was Serial Killer... and I killed everyone. I think it was an OP8 game, maybe ksen. They stopped playing mafia after that, 'cause everyone was dead. I would say like, “C'mon everyone, let's play a nice game of mafia”, and they would all run from the street and lock their doors... like that would stop a professional serial killer.
spruce: Those lily-livered poltroons. What a bunch of milksops.
praying: Yeah, and you know what else?
spruce: I know very little.
praying: It's 'cause I'm black.
spruce: No!
praying: Yeah, I am. And that's why they use those racial terms, “lily-livered” and “milksop”, 'cause they're from uncle whitey.
spruce: But don't they make chocolate milk now?
praying: They try to make chocolate do everything. We're the ones who built America. We're where the real power lies. You mention “chocolate” to just about anyone and they're immediately under our spell – we built it into a hypnotic code-word long ago when we saw how whitey was ruining this great land of ours.
spruce: What colour am I?
praying: You're as white as they come, spruce.
spruce: Nooooooo!
praying: Were you to whip out a 20 inch knife right now and wave it around, folk would say, “Oh, there's cake, is it someone's birthday?” But you let this black woman whip out a 20 inch knife and folk head for the door as fast as they can. That's why they call me a serial killer – they don't want a black woman in their little Town.
spruce: “The future ain't what it used to be”. But didn't you just say you killed everyone at TR and then suddenly showed up here at MR?
praying: Shut up, spruce, and eat your cheese sammich. Here, you want me to cut it for you?
spruce: Yes, please. But wait 'till I put it down first, and only cut it in two, 'cause I'm not hungry enough for four.

spruce: So, where are we going today?
praying: Well, we have a choice between the Brighton Asylum, Preby Memorial Iris Gardens, or the Yogi Berra Museum. But first we have to stop by the Israel Crane House and say “Hey” to my cats.
spruce: “Nobody goes there anymore, 'cause it's too crowed”.
spruce: “If we don't know where we're going, we might wind up somewhere else”.
praying: “I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question”.
spruce: What's so special about this Israel House? I didn't even know you were Jewish.
praying: No, no, it has a rich historical significance for African American women, from when it was part of the Young Women's Christian Association (YWCA).
spruce: Oh, do they have an album?
praying: No, that's where my cats are. They let me fund a memorial there for my cats. The Iris Presbyterians wouldn't, 'cause we're not Presbyterian.
spruce: Rotten Calvinists.
spruce: So, sorry about your kittens and all, p. I bet they were cute, even yummy. How did they die?
praying: STINKIN' GROUNDHOGS I bet.
praying: STINKIN' GROUNDHOGS!!!

The praying Cat Memorial

Spoiler


a moment of silence

spruce: So I hear your son's an Eagle Scout?
praying: He's very meritorious, if I do say so myself.
spruce: I was a Scout, you know.
praying: Yeah?
spruce: Oh yeah. I only made it to Star Scout though, 'cause I thought once one was a star, well...
Plus, I had a wee trouble with the oath, or maybe it was the motto, the oath or motto – you know, the part about helping others at all times and not killing folk. I was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent though, let me tell you.
spruce: Hey, there's some really nice hice around here.
praying: Yeah, it's nice. A lot of us garden and have pools or ponds and such. My garden is all raised beds this year.
spruce: No verandas though, huh.
spruce: I used to sleep in a raised bed when I was little, 'till one day I threw up on my brother - I had to sleep on the bottom bunk from then on.

spruce: Um, praying dear? Um, is that a slight puff of wind headed our way?
praying: Yeah, I can see the leaves swaying a bit. What of it?
spruce: You don't understand, this is a Smart Car. Oh no, here we go again.

slight puff of wind

spruce: Wheeeeeeeee! (as the car blows off the hoizon)
spruce: praying? I'm sorry for getting you killed. Say "hey" to the kittehs for me.
praying: STINKIN' DIREWOLVES!
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Adenosine (28th August 2014), borealis (28th August 2014), Majiffy (2nd September 2014), nostrum (28th August 2014)
Old 28th August 2014, 10:46 PM   #167783  /  #2
spruce
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Appalachia, CSA
praying has a cat named Oreo she calls Cookie, and a dog named Bella. I'm just sayin'.
I don't know the fishies names.

And Marissa thinks houses are "hice", 'cause, you know, mouse > mice, louse > lice.

Last edited by spruce; 28th August 2014 at 10:49 PM.
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Old 28th August 2014, 11:17 PM   #167787  /  #3
gib
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: the thin one out of Laurel & Hardy
create more, explain less
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Old 28th August 2014, 11:18 PM   #167788  /  #4
nostrum
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<- for praying

I want piccies of hice!

BTW more info on the rear pack pls... Topeak? Litreage?
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Old 28th August 2014, 11:18 PM   #167789  /  #5
nostrum
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ignore ninja post #3
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Old 28th August 2014, 11:20 PM   #167793  /  #6
gib
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: the thin one out of Laurel & Hardy
ah yes, the famous 3 hour ninja move
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Old 28th August 2014, 11:22 PM   #167795  /  #7
nostrum
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gib View Post
ah yes, the famous 3 hour ninja move
ahem
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Old 29th August 2014, 12:07 AM   #167819  /  #8
gib
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: the thin one out of Laurel & Hardy
spruce why am i holding a pink trout
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Old 29th August 2014, 12:12 AM   #167821  /  #9
nostrum
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and more's the point, why is the adipose fin rayed
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Old 30th August 2014, 01:34 AM   #168016  /  #10
praying
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spruce View Post
praying has a cat named Oreo she calls Cookie, and a dog named Bella. I'm just sayin'.
I don't know the fishies names.

And Marissa thinks houses are "hice", 'cause, you know, mouse > mice, louse > lice.

I can't believe you remember all this stuff.
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Old 30th August 2014, 01:50 AM   #168018  /  #11
borealis
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Canada
Direwolf savante
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Old 2nd September 2014, 10:48 PM   #168343  /  #12
Majiffy
Grissle Hardman, The MR Mafia Honey Badger
 
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Read my posts with the following stupid accent: Buffalo, NY
Quote:
Originally Posted by spruce View Post
praying: You're as white as they come, spruce.
spruce: Nooooooo!
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Old 2nd September 2014, 11:21 PM   #168354  /  #13
nostrum
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lol
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Old 5th September 2014, 06:40 PM   #168551  /  #14
Nachomamma8
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Quote:
They try to make chocolate do everything.
I love you.
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